Reviews of my work (the good, the bad and the ugly):

Reviewed by: djhemphill

Angelheart meets Jacob's Ladder?

Slightly hard to follow initially and some of the narrative overlong. Was fighting the temptation to skip over too many repititions of "african american"? etc. Maybe good idea to start with the dramatic robbery gone wrong, pace up the narrative and drop the initial scene where the dialogue isn't as good as what follows. May also trim the rehab section as this adds little to the plot or find a way to integrate it so that it adds another thread (Danny Aiello in Jacob's Ladder). Same could also be said for the section where Ben moves through his early cop career. You invest some effort into these early characters only for them to disappear. Once into it, I was dying to know what was going to happen but early guesses fell short. Although ultimately necessary to the story, I was occasionally confused with our hero becoming a cop and then later, some of the extremes of violence and their strange consequences. Angelheart gets away with this by introducing the supernatural, Jacob's Ladder, the suggestion of mind altering drugs. I feel this story needs more of a raison daetre to expedite the required suspension of belief.

November 11, 2003 - 1:08 PM

Review Id: 600219

Reviewed by: mahwikizi

the best twist story since "The sixth sense"

I read your script, stopped and reread it again just to make sure that there was no way I could have forseen the ending. well I just could not forsee the twists that were to follow. Here we have this friendly like person with no memory and just trying to find his past. I got into the character and felt his pain, only to find that what I thought he was, was wrong. The writer leads us into one direction only to have us do a 180 degree turn. I loved it period. Only one improvement should be made in developing Ben's and camilla's relashonship to actually feel what led to him popping the question. but.... I am just going to read it again and see if there is not a shadow of dought that I could not figure out where this story was going.

August 14, 2003 - 9:19 AM

Review Id: 549595

Reviewed by: Omen

A Good Trim Could Work Wonders

I found Minutes After Midnight to be a good read once I got past the hard slog of the opening pages. And that is the key problem that needs to be addressed in the next draft. The first pages are so important to hook the pro studio reader that they must be absolutely riveting. But at present the narrative is so wordy that it is almost a chore to keep reading e.g. the all important opening scene contains 17 lines of exposition but a lot of those words are redundant. The header tells us it is a New Years eve party at Police Athletic Association Hall. On the 2nd line we're told Auld Lang Syne is being played, on the 4th that we are in the Philadelphia Police Athletic Assn. Hall on Spring Garden Street in Philadelphia Pennsylvania and on the 7th that new year is being rung in. Never tell us the same things twice. Also, I found it confusing that Franklin was "standing alone in middle of activity" but from the POV of officers he is to the side of the room and holding up a pillar. Is he in the middle of the room or off to the side? Also, a few minutes after midnight is 12:02am not 12:02pm. Get your opening right, trim all extraneous words from both narrative and dialogue and your story will lift right off the page. Best of luck with it.

August 11, 2003 - 8:18 AM

Review Id: 547337

Reviewed by: castlenaze

Great stuff

This is the kind of thing I really like, mystery, suspense, twists, the lot. This would make a superb movie. I liked the dark moody atmosphere you produced, with just a seasoning of black humour. This really is a very good effort, but I would like to point out a couple of things if I could. Firstly, your style of writing is a little bland and direct. This sometimes makes the reading of your screenplay hard work. If you just smoothed it out a bit, It would improve the reading experience. Also, you endlessly write "We see..." There is no need for this. As it is a script for a film, we are obviously going to see "Ben doing this that or the other." Simply state Ben does this that or the other. As you can see, these are only minor critisms to the aethestics and are nothing particularly serious, but It could help. But on the whole I thought it was great and cannot criticise your story. I as a film fan loved it. Very well done.

August 5, 2003 - 12:51 AM

Review Id: 543357

Reviewed by: 2000

A good concept, but needs reworking

This is touted at 129 pages Final Draft format, however, there is dialogue, documented improperty, without names or continuation dialogue, which makes it much longer than 131 pages.......dialogue is too long and wordy. The concept of the story is very good, however, there should be some twist, in how a background investigation could go so awry....with fingerprinting, etc., it is virtually impossible in large departments. It was long and boring in some places, needs to be trimmed down considerably. The gay sequence in the beginning is so (yawn.......) common....I'd dump it...........there is more than necessary profanity, ten code needs to be learned and used correctly.......I think it could work with much more work.

July 12, 2003 - 11:16 PM

Review Id: 527927

Reviewed by: voros

zsolt voros

i am really imterested in crimes, that's why I chose this story to review and I was really happy with my choice. It's a well-written cop-story where you can enjoy not just the mystery of crime as it would happen in an average police story but also the problems of one's lost identity. The two together are a fantastic combination! The flashbach scenes are brilliant, the only problem for me was to get through the longish dialogue between Ben and Camilla. It seemed a bit tiring. Otherwise I would recommend this piece of work.

May 21, 2003 - 3:50 AM

Review Id: 497264

Reviewed by: blade

Midnight

I found this script an interesting read. I kept wanting to see how he found out who he was. IMO, I felt it was along the lines of "Jacob's Ladder." The dreaming sequences were herky-jerky, at times. I'm still unsure as to how he knew the other people in real life.

May 20, 2003 - 10:48 AM

Review Id: 496923

Reviewed by: BrentT

Midnight

This is an interesting and well-told cop story. The amnesia sequence reminded me of Angel Heart and Devils Advocate. I would trim the flashback scenes (see pages 41-42) as there are a lot of them and they get confusing. The conversation between Ben and Camilla runs from pages 75-84 and should be trimmed. When a character's speech is continued (as is Sarah's on page 21) you need to headline again with her name, otherwise it is hard to read. I would reconsider's Ben's actions on pg 40. I don't think a cop would let someone off with just a ticket after they pull a gun on them. Also, I understand how Ben forgot a lot of his past life but why did he forget about killing Camilla? It makes Ben hard to like after all these murders and misdeeds, especially if he is still committing them after he's healed. All in all this shows promise. Good luck.

May 9, 2003 - 4:58 PM

Review Id: 492154

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